baby biscuit

I had quite the conversation with a friend yesterday – the parenting bug has definitely bit her. Nope, scratch that, it has officially knocked her down, scratched her up with its claws, scooped her up in its talons, chewed her into a bloody pulp, and spit her out on the floor. ‘Member this little cutie?

He’s become her life, her love, her reason for everything. However, she and I had a convo yesterday that had me so blown away at just how much this dog has taken her over, I had to share.

Let me preface this by saying that I fully understand loving your dog. I have 2 of the sweetest, cuddliest, just-want-to-squeeze-them pups of my own and I challenge you to find someone more in love with their doggies than me. I also know that having my doggies has been good practice for children because it has taught me what it means to have a little living, breathing being fully relying on me to fulfill all of its basic needs – food, a warm home, and more love and snuggles than I knew I was capable of giving. I get it, truly I do. But when she told me about the conversation she had with one of the agents in the office, I was left speechless.

Let’s call the agent Josh ’cause, well, his name is Josh. So Josh is a jokester and a father of 2 little ones (kids, not dogs), and he kept referring to my friend’s dog as “Biscuit” which is clearly not his name. She didn’t think it was so funny. I told her he was obviously trying to get her all riled up, it was working, and as long as she showed it bothered her, he was gonna keep on calling the darn dog Biscuit. But she was honest to God mad that he wouldn’t call her dog by his real name and wanted to know how he’d feel if she started calling his daughter Ebola. That’s when I opened my big mouth and pointed out that a pet and a child are not the same thing. And I mentioned that ‘Biscuit’, aka a type of food, and ‘Ebola’, a potentially life threatening virus with no known cure, are nowhere near the same tearms of endearment, and I did the unthinkable… I called Biscuit a dog.

Apparently he’s not a dog, he’s a baby, he’s a little sweetie, he’s a cutie. But he is





She spat when she said the word ‘dawg’ like it was the equivalent of ‘fucker‘, like I landed a big ol’ slap hard across her face. She told me that the only difference between my future children and her precious Biscuit is that my children will be able to speak. And will be less furry. Oh ya. She did. In my mind I scooped up my invisible toddler and shielded her, turning away and covering her ears so she wouldn’t hear my friend comparing her to a pet. I told my friend that when I have a child, I will smack her (the friend, not my child) for that one.

Then I’ll have her babysit for the first time ever in her life and we’ll see how much she thinks a kid is like a dog. 

Would you ever compare your dog to someone’s child?



Filed under ridiculousness

5 responses to “baby biscuit

  1. Being a dog owner who is somewhat unaturally obsessed with her dog, I sort of understand her. I mean, before you have kids, you could almost love a dog that much.

    But CLEARLY a dog is not equivelant to a child. You can lock a dog (or puppy) in a crate for 5 hours when you aren’t home so he doesn’t destroy the place. Hell, you can actually leave a puppy at home, unattended for a few hours so you can go live a normal life. Try that with a child, and then let me know how much fun jail is. 🙂 A puppy needs you, but in no way do they need you like a child.

    • I totally agree. I admit it, I’m guilty of pointing out similar personality traits between my doggies and Scott’s niece and nephew – the way they interact, they way they fight over toys, etc., but I would never insist that someone refer to my dogs as my children and treat them as such. I also don’t plan on bathing my children once a month and making them poop in the grass.

  2. i’m with you. yes in the past i have brought up stories about my dogs in response to people talking about their kids, but obviously it’s not the same thing. also, he was just teasing. he wasn’t calling the dog “shithead” or anything. i don’t think “biscuit” is the equivalent of “ebola”. although if i had a puppy that cute, who knows what kind of reaction i’d be having.

  3. Jane

    I had a friend who told me Michael Vick should be compared to a child molester. I jumped all over that one. She defriended me on Facebook. HAHA

  4. Yeah. Um….as a non-dog owner (and someone who is not interested in owning dogs, not ’cause I hate them, just ’cause I’m not interested), I don’t get this. I truly believe that there people out there who like dogs better than people. That’s a little sad. I’m not saying that dogs can’t be wonderful companions, but my child will literally come from me, be the byproduct of the love between me and my husband and carry on my family and its history. While I am sure there are many lovely dogs out there, none of them will ever serve that role.

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