(re)learning to be a suburbanite

You know the really big garbage cans you put out at the curb on garbage day? Ya, well yesterday was garbage day so we put them out in the morning. I went home at lunch to let the pups out and the cans had been emptied. They were sitting at the curb, but I was pressed for time so I left them out there planning on bringing them in later when I got home from work. So at 5pm when I was pulling up to the house and noticed they weren’t on the grass I thought, “wow, someone was nice enough to bring my cans up to the house for me! I love my neighborhood!” And as I pulled into the driveway, I noticed they weren’t where they were supposed to be. So I thought, “okay, um, maybe they pulled them behind the carport, going above and beyond the neighborly call of duty!” But no, they weren’t there either. Nor were they in the backyard, on the front doorstep, around the side of the house or on the roof. Someone freaking stole my garbage cans. And I wouldn’t doubt that it was Crazy lady. Now I have to go buy 2 of these and pray no one steals these, too.

Maybe I should also buy a really long chain so I can chain them to the house and still be able to drag them to the curb when I have to. There’s a thought.

I also discovered yesterday that my faucet doesn’t work with my dishwasher which isn’t all that surprising because apparently not everything can go smoothly all the time. Let me back up a little. When we were talking about getting a dishwasher, our only option was a portable because there wasn’t a spot for a regular one and I officially washed my last sink full of dirty dishes by hand 2 years ago. So we got this one:

And in the actual kitchen:

My dad had told me all you needed was a water source and a drain so I figured ABT would hook it up under the sink or something when they installed the appliances.

I figured wrong.

Did you know that when you get a portable dishwasher, you have to actually wheel it over to your kitchen sink and hook up a hose to your faucet when you need to use it?

I surely did not. So anyway, for the last few days we’ve been filling up the dishwasher with dirty dishes and last night we decided to figure out how to run it together since this was all new to both me and Scott. And damn it, the hose doesn’t fit on our faucet. So it’s now time for a new faucet because the dishwasher certainly isn’t going back! It’s all good though because we would have gotten a new faucet soon anyway considering the moron that installed it somehow, and I still can’t figure out how, made it so the cold water handle goes the wrong way.

And while I grew up a suburbanite not too far from my new house, the years I’ve been in the city have definitely changed my ways of thinking… and now I have to change some of those ways back (although apparently yard theft should stay put in my mind). A few things I have to get used to in the suburbs that I took for granted in the city:

1) The sheer volume of bugs. I took the doggies in the backyard last night for 5 minutes. 5 minutes! And today I am covered in mosquito bites. They got me everywhere they could. And that is not an exaggeration.

It is taking everything in my power not to scratch the ones on my forehead right now!!!!! And because my momma didn’t raise no fool, this morning when I took the poops out, I looked more like this:

Also, with 3 big trees in my yard, the locusts are in full force. I absolutely love the sound of them chirping away at deafening levels because it totally brings me back to snapshots of my childhood, running around in the yard as the sun set behind the trees. The thing I don’t love about the locusts? Finding a new dead one on the back deck every morning and watching Princess pick it up in her teeth and fling it around. It. freaks. me. the. hell. out. Do they die in the tree then fall out? Or do they fall out of the tree then die when they hit the ground? I’m telling you, the first time one of those suckers falls on my head, I’m screaming, running inside, and buying myself a hazmat suit.

Another thing I have to get used to is waiting in traffic for trains to pass. I didn’t even realize this was something I had forgotten about until this morning when I sat at a light for 5 minutes with a sign in front of it that said something or other about staying red longer when there’s a train at the gate. In the city, most of the trains are either above or below ground so you don’t even think twice about them. Note to self, must learn the Metra schedule tonight so I can avoid the trains. Ironic, no?

And because I promised yesterday that I’d post the pic of a few of my favorites finding their spots on the couch….

I think it’s safe to say that for these two, it’s officially home.



Filed under home, ridiculousness

3 responses to “(re)learning to be a suburbanite

  1. Jane

    They do look at home. Nice boxers. Have you had any luck settling in, or are you still trying to get situated? Good luck on preventing trash can theft. If it is the crazy lady, you could hope it rains and she melts.

  2. Oh my gosh, seriously!?!? Who steals a garbage can?!?!? Sheesh.

  3. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if I lived near bugs that bite. I completely forget about it when we travel in the summer to places where bug spray/bombs/candles/etc. are necessary!
    I think you should cover your trash cans with crazy paint and then, perhaps, no one will run to steal them again. How horrible!

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