a letter to Jesus

Dear Jesus,

Let me start by saying that I appreciate all most of your creatures, especially those of the furry cuddly variety, i.e. puppies, Scottys, etc. With that said, since moving in to the house I’ve developed an uncanny ability to sense every spider in the same room of the house as me, typically 1-2 per day in any given room. I may even go so far as to say that Scott is in awe of my new super hero ability. And while I don’t typically give a second thought to these spiders when I see them since I have Scott, ahem, relocate them, I just have to ask….what the eff is this?

I was not a happy camper when I noticed this terror-invoking beast just sitting there outside by the kitchen door under the mailbox as I was locking it up this morning. I believe I started a conversation with your dad that began and ended with an audible, “Oh dear God”, as I shuddered then dove face first into my car for fear of this thing leaping onto me.

Please make sure he’s gone by the time I get home. Thanks.

Your pal,




Filed under home, ridiculousness, Suburbs

8 responses to “a letter to Jesus

  1. *shivers* I hope it is gone when you get home!

  2. it looks like a tarantuscorpion with a mushroom tumor. YIKES!

  3. Oh God! I probably would have fleed the state. Hope it has disappeared by the time you return!

  4. It’s an orb-weaver spider! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orb-weaver_spider) Maybe he’ll make you a giant pretty web before you get home 😉 They’re harmless I think, though I totally agree it looks terrifying.

  5. Kathy


  6. Jane

    Once, I killed a spider in my room. A few hours later, there was a trail of ants coming to his body, and he was half gone. They got rid of him, though. Thank you, little coroner ants!

  7. Colleen

    We had one of these outside our basement window last night. My dad smooshed it. Last year we had a few by our shed.
    Years ago I smooshed a spider and hundreds of little babies came running out of it.

  8. Ohhhhh my gosh that is SO scary! Ahhhhh.

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