crazy lady’s lady bits

…and just when we thought we’d never have to think about her again…

So I’m no plumber but I do know that it’s never a good thing when you’re on your second load of laundry and your toilet starts gurgling. That’s what happened on Tuesday night and I had flashbacks of when I bought my first house – the plumbing was so bad that you couldn’t take a shower and do laundry or flush the toilet within the same hour or else thick sewage would come bubbling up and out the bathtub drain. It was NOT pretty nor did it smell pretty (although it did prompt the first chapter of my ‘book’, J-Money, The Country Bumpkin). So Scott called his family plumber friend, Tim who told us that our pipes would probably just need to be cleaned out and he’d be at the house with his crew on Wed. Oh, yeah, and we were on a strict no-water policy until then…that meant no flushing, no shower, quick rinse of the toothbrush, etc. And yesterday was the first time in ages that I put a fresh layer of makeup over the previous day’s and I have a giant nose zit to prove it. So after a stinky day at work yesterday, Tim and crew were packing up when I got home and when I asked if it was clogged pipes, Tim simply said, “yep, tree roots,” and that was that.

Until I called Scott to let him know all was well.

Apparently Tim called Scott as soon as he left and told him that the problem was what the plumbing world likes to call little ‘white mice’.

…aka tampons and yes, I just gagged.

Now I may have been guilty of flushing one or two when I was 13 and didn’t know any better, but ever since about 20 years ago when my dad had to call a plumber for clogged pipes and was told that the pipes were FULL of tampons and pads and all sorts of female whatnots, I have not flushed a tampon. Anywhere. Actually it’s funny, I’ll never forget when my little sister was living with me for a few months and said something to me about how she liked her tampons better because mine don’t bloom until they hit the water in the toilet, and I think I just about had a heart attack.

Anywho, after swearing up and down that there was nowaypossiblethatitwasme and Ineverevereverdothat and IpromiseIthrowmineawayeverytime, Scott said that Tim confirmed that the ‘white mice’ had clearly been in the pipes for quite a while.

And considering crazy lady probably went through menopause 10 years ago…..


Did I mention when we had the vents cleaned out before we moved in, they found a peach pit in one of them? I wonder what else is lurking in the places we can’t see.

Wait, nevermind, I don’t want to know.



Filed under ridiculousness, Suburbs

8 responses to “crazy lady’s lady bits

  1. OMG, that is the craziest shit I’ve ever heard! And, I love that your sister said the tampons bloom! ha!

  2. Omg. That’s just not right. I never, ever flush mine because I would be *that girl* who clogs the toilet in a public restroom or at a friend’s house or other inappropriate place. Ew…gagging.

  3. Jane

    Someone left a ‘tea bag’ in one of the toilets at school on Tuesday, and smeared the seat with blood. I’ve always wondered what posesses people to do things like that. In any case it was nasty, and even nastier when I was helping clean it up later. That bathroom is in the ROTC wing (if it’s in our hall,we take care of it.), but everyone uses it no matter what. It was so gross!!!!!

  4. Sarah

    I’m new to your blog…found you through a link on Kelsey’s blog. Im a newly married “bee” looking for life beyond wedding planning i suppose!

    Anyways….this post made me laugh out loud. But my husband will probably thank you for convincing me NOT to flush my tampons anymore! I don’t think I could handle the embarrassment!

    Looking forward to following your blog!!

  5. Oh my gosh. Haha I am DYING right now. That is disgustingggg.

    Also, I actually don’t think it’s ever occurred to me to flush a feminine product! This is how I will teach any future daughters not to: by showing them this post. So gross.

  6. So the pressing question is if you can’t flush them-what do you do with them? Try SCENSIBLES-personal disposal bags made specially for tampons, applicators, and pads. Tie and toss in the trash! The company will send free samples!

  7. i almost didn’t comment because i was so disturbed, but decided to comment to let you know that i’m disturbed.

  8. White Mice – Blooming Tampons – my sisters taught me to call them, Cotton Ponies. This gnarly post is hysterical!

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