20 weeks

Woohoo, HALF WAY THERE!! If you’ve made it this far with me, you’re a trooper. And my bff. And I love you all. And I think I’m still giddy from the surprise yesterday. CAUSE WOW, IT’S A GIRL!

For months, you all know I’ve been saying things like ‘he’s kicking like crazy!’ and ‘his little feet are gonna be so cute!’ and for the last 24 hours, it’s changed to ‘she’s due in June!’ and ‘I can’t wait to hold her!’, and it all just makes me giggle. I wonder if all the dreams I’ve had about the baby being a girl were her way of trying to tell me. Or maybe I’m just psycho. Erm, I mean psychic.

……..So literally as I was writing all this, I got a phone call from my doctor. She received the ultrasound pictures and reviewed them and everything looks fine, except for one thing. She saw what they call an Echogenic Focus, or ‘light spot’ on the heart, and all I heard was, “ohmygodsomethingiswrongwithmylittlebaby.” She said it could be a calcium deposit or something with one of the muscles, but she told me not to worry because 9.9 out of 10 times, it’s absolutely nothing and if it is something, it would probably clear up before birth. So they want me to get a follow-up ultrasound to have a high-risk OB doc take a look just to make sure that everything is ok.

I started bawling my eyes out because the last thing I wanted to ever hear was that something could possibly be wrong with my little baby’s heart. The tech did say yesterday that if the doc didn’t like anything on any of the pictures that they’d send me back for another ultrasound. And of course I was all, “I wouldn’t mind, I’d love another ultrasound!” Now I’m wishing with all of my heart that I could just take that one little sentence back. And so (after calling Scott of course) I started Googling “Echogenic Focus of the heart” and I’ve been trying to find comfort in the words of a ton of other people who have also gotten that same phone call that I just did. Apparently it can be something as simple as a shadow in the picture. And I have yet to read of anyone that had this simple lone spot show up who then gave birth to nothing less than a perfectly healthy baby. But you know what keeps running through my head bringing the tears back that I just managed to stop? – what if we are the exception? what if something is seriously wrong?

I’m scared but I know there’s nothing I can do but sit and wait until next Tuesday’s follow-up ultrasound. And damn it if baby girl didn’t just kick me so hard. I have a feeling that was her way of saying, “chillax, momma, I’m fine and all that crying is doing nothing but jiggling me around in here.” I went home for the afternoon and stocked my freezer full of Ben n Jerry’s because I can tell ya right now, I wouldn’t have been much help sitting at the front desk with a red face while tears streamed down my cheeks as I sniffled into a kleenex.

Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

Here she is, the little nugget that I can’t believe I’m already so devastatingly attached to:

How I’m feeling (aside from being obvious terrified at the moment): Sleeping is getting harder but not for the reasons that you might think. I’ve been sleeping wedged between 2 body pillows (fantastic!), and wedged between me and the body pillows are 2 dogs (ugh). Not sure if they’re trying to make sure that I don’t roll off the bed or if they’re testing out the cushiness of my body pillows for me, but either way, I’m stuck and it makes it really hard to get up for my 3:00am bathroom trip.

I have a slight rash-looking thing going on with my chest. It’s not itchy, just little red dots that look like broken capillaries…I should probably ask the nurse about it but it’s not itchy and it’s not spreading so I’m gonna hold off for now until my next appointment. Oh, and my belly button is baffling me…since I took out my belly button ring way back when, it’s looked like a black hole and then BAM! I swear overnight it surfaced and now I can see the bottom hole of my belly button ring holes. It’s very strange and oddly kinda cute.

I remembered to take my 20 week belly shot before walking out the door this morning. What I didn’t remember was to grab the cord for that camera… but crafty me does have a cord for the other piece-of-crap camera I also have with me, so here’s your picture of the picture of my 20 week belly:

K, gonna go mix some tears with my Ben n Jerry’s Peanut Brittle for the rest of the afternoon. Please keep baby girl in your prayers.

For past weeks, visit My Pregnancy Calendar

<— 19 weeks

21 weeks —>

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18 Comments

Filed under pregnancy, pregnant

18 responses to “20 weeks

  1. Big hugs!! I’m sure everything will be fine…will thinking good thoughts for you!

  2. She’s beautiful!! And I’m sure that she’ll be absolutely perfect and healthy. Enjoy the ice cream and start buying the cutest girlie outfits you can find!

  3. I’m so sorry for your scare 😦 You and Baby Nachos are in my prayers!

  4. i can’t believe she’s already at the cantaloupe stage! and you’re looking great! i’m sorry about the scary call, i hope that all turns out well.

  5. Praying for you and your baby girl!

    PS – you are the cutest pregnant woman I’ve ever seen!

  6. Aww lady, I promise there are many many women who get that same call and all is well. I feel for you, there is no worse feeling in the world than thinking something might be wrong with your child or the fear of the unknown. But I have seen many people have these results (I’m in nursing school – labor and delivery/obgyn specialty) and they have perfectly healthy babies! I will be keeping you and baby girl in my thoughts and prayers!!

  7. You are so freakin’ cute! As is baby girl, of course 🙂 Fingers crossed your next ultrasound shows nothing weird, I’m sure it will work out just fine – stop googling!!

  8. So, my sister who is currently pregnant had the same eco foci thing with her baby and went through all the same scares, and everything turned out 100% fine. It was actually more reassuring to go through all the extra U/S and blood tests to learn that her baby is perfectly healthy. And, as for the rash, you might want to look into PUPPS, my sister thought she had that too. I’m thinking you all!

  9. Such a scare! I’m sure it will be fine but I can totally empathize with your fear. Congrats on being halfway! You’re gorgeous!

  10. Jane

    Well, I’m just going to tell you what my bubba always tells me.

    “Don’t worry about it now. Worry about what’s going on now, at this moment, and don’t fret the possiblities of the future.”

    Not sure how much good that’ll do you, but it always does me a world of good when he tells me that.

    And about the rash– maybe it’s a heat rash. I get them all the time (granted, mine are from uniforms) but it may just be a coincidence that it’s happening while you’re pregnant.

    I’m also appalled that your ultra sound pictures actually look like a baby– all the ones I’ve seen, look nothing like babies and more like little blobs of goo without shape. But I can actually see the baby in your’s!

    What kind of names have you thought about? And are we going to see pics after she’s born, or are you going to forgo that for security purposes? Just curious!

  11. Oh hon, I’m sorry you’re so worried. Good luck getting through til the next ultrasound and just keep talking to that little girl in there. And that picture of a picture of you is looks fantastic! You’re gorgeous!

  12. I will keep you in my thoughts, but I am sure everything is totally fine!!! Cuuuute belly!!!

  13. Pretty Mama, thinking of you and your little Cantaloupe. All will be fine.

  14. Oh my goodness, it’s encouraging to hear that that’s almost always nothing and it sounds like the odds are that things will be completely normal, but still, how nerve-wracking to have to hear that from your doctor! I’ll definitely be praying for your sweet baby girl. You look AMAZING, btw.

  15. amg

    1) Since I didn’t get a chance to comment yet on your last blog…congratulations on your baby GIRL! 🙂 So exciting. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers — like you said, I’m sure your next ultrasound will be fantastic and everything will be just fine. Hugs!

  16. First of all, congratulations again on your gorgeous girl! Second, I’m so sorry you’re having a scare… praying for you that it turns out to be nothing but that. There are SO many false alarms during pregnancy with all of the testing that they do. Hang in there, and I hope you get reassuring news soon!

  17. Pingback: 21 weeks | rabit stew

  18. Pingback: on being an optimistic momma | rabit stew

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