36 weeks

Either that was a really small pony or baby’s getting REALLY big!

This week marked the start of weekly doctors appointments and considering how many times I’ve been there over the last 9 months (15 maybe?), I don’t think it was wrong of me to raise an eyebrow when the same receptionist that’s always there asked what my name was when I walked in this week. Maybe it’s the hair stylist in me who always made it a point to remember my clients’ names, but seriously, how many times do you have to write my last name in crayon on my pee cup before you remember me? I thought we were closer than that.

Anywho, my appointment went well, my doctor did the swab for Group B Strep and I have to say, it was very weird having to take off any clothing aside from my shoes (I always take them off to be weighed…’cause you know, those things add like 15 extra pounds). I haven’t had to get semi-nekkid for them since my first pregnancy appointment back in October. Also at this appointment my doctor went over when to go to the hospital and when to stay home…

Contractions 3-5 mins apart for an hour? Go to the hospital.

Water breaks? Go to the hospital, even if it’s just a trickle. Just make sure you didn’t just pee yourself before you go rushing off exclaiming “I’m in labor! I’m in labor!” because in that case, congratulations, you just gave birth to a puddle of your own urine.

Lost your mucus plug? Stay home. Really, could they have come up with a more disgustingly accurate name for it?  The only reason I knew what a mucus plug was long before now was because a girl I used to work with described hers in all of it’s wonderfully gooey detail. If you’ve not heard of it before, it’s basically a “plug” that your body creates during pregnancy at the opening of the cervix that acts as a barrier between the outside world and your uterus, keeping bacteria out, helping to ward off infection. Oh, and it looks like a big gross booger. It can come out during pregnancy and if it’s too early for labor, your body will make a new one. If you’re getting close to labor and you lose it, it just means that your body is getting ready for labor, though it could still be weeks and weeks before baby arrives. Basically if and when you lose it, it means…

absolutely nothing.

And while I, unlike my friend, did not show my mother (you’re welcome, mom), I did lose part of mine yesterday which is still kinda cool knowing my body is getting ready. Though I probably could have told you that already considering I’m 4 weeks from my due date.

This past weekend, Sharon and I carried on a tradition that we started when she was pregnant last year: pre-baby lunch and manicures! She was 38 weeks pregnant when we went for hers and she happened to go into labor the following Tuesday. This past Tuesday, I… did not.

I did some more trying out the baby gear on Hazel… this week it was the Graco Travel Crib which we’ll use as a bassinet next to our bed for the first few months or so:

Anyone that says that you should get a dog as good practice before having babies knows a thing or two about a thing or two…though I’m not positive it was meant to be taken this far. Eh, whatever, that look in her eyes is pure bliss, I swear.

Last night, Scott and I, along with both of our moms attended an infant safety and CPR class and I’m so so happy we did. We learned what some of the recommended gadgets are regarding baby-proofing the house, we learned about SIDS, proper sleep positions, crib safety, and how to perform CPR and the heimlich on a baby up to 12 months. Have any of you gone through training to become CPR certified? If so, you probably sucked face with Annie, the CPR dummy. But did you know that there have been numerous claims that people have gotten the herp from Annie? She’s been around, you know. I’m not gonna lie, after an inappropriately hilarious conversation with my manager about Annie, cold sores and dental dams, I decided to bring some alcohol swabs with me to class…you know, just in case my baby dummy…


I was happy to see when I was given my date for the evening that she was nicely covered with a new, clean piece of plastic wrap over her mouth, so I left the swabs in my purse. Oh, and I also almost lost my schmidt during the CPR portion of the class when I actually looked around at one point and took in everything that was happening…picture this: you’re in a room full of strangers, (well you can tell by the way I use my walk) everyone is pushing on little blue foam dummy chests, keeping the beat to the song Stayin’ Alive that’s blaring out of a stereo (I’m a woman’s man, no time to talk)  because apparently it’s been proven that this beat will give you the desired 100 beats per minute, all the while there’s a woman’s face frozen with one eye open, contorted in a half-spoken word on the overhead projector screen which was paused at an unfortunate time, (ah ah ah ah stayin alive, stayin alive) and the grandpa next to you keeps losing time with the beat while getting the plastic wrap mouth cover stuck to his face with each breath of life he breathes into his dummy. And he. is. gassy. (I’m stayin ALIIIIIIVE!)

I felt like I was in the middle of a really weird dream.

How I’m feeling: Everyone kept telling me that pregnancy will make me overheat and up until this week, I wasn’t feeling it. But now? Holy moly, turn on the A/C, stat ’cause I am WARM! My feet and my hands are really swelling up now and they’re hot and achy. I think I spent 10 minutes trying to latch a bracelet clasp this morning before finally giving up on the unusable sausages I used to call fingers. And the other weird thing is the skin above my belly button is completely numb most of the time but itches once in a while, and when I scratch it, it hurts really bad for hours. Ah, all the things they don’t tell you about…

Good news: I know I have not yet deveolped the pregnant waddle. Other good news: no matter if I go 2 weeks late (please dear God, no), I know I have no more than 6 weeks to go before I can have a glass of wine, breathe through my nose, put on my socks without sounding like a wild hog, and eat a spicy scallop roll out of the palm of my baby’s hand if I so choose. I wouldn’t but it’s nice knowing the option is there.

Bad news: when I roll over in bed, I now have to physically pick up my belly with my hands and help it along because otherwise my head and legs will turn, but my middle just kinda lays there looking at me like, “really? you want me to do what?”

And now, your 36 week belly shot:

Someone stick a fork in me.

For past weeks, visit My Pregnancy Calendar

<– 35 weeks

37 weeks–>



Filed under pregnancy, pregnant

7 responses to “36 weeks

  1. Pingback: 35 weeks | rabit stew

  2. Your posts never fail to crack me up! This one especially 🙂

  3. this post was awesome. love Thursdays on your blog 🙂

  4. Jane

    Loved all the interesting stuff in this one. Especially the CPR. You’ve interested me in what a mucous plug looks like, though, and for some reason the thought of looking that up reminds me of the time I looked up menstrual cups. Never again. (I have to look up the mucous plug thing, though. It sounds too sick not to.)

  5. I just googled “mucous plug” and then dry heaved a little. Whatever inspired someone to photograph that thing is soooooooo twisted.

  6. Pingback: 37 weeks | rabit stew

  7. Anonymous

    I love this!! your blogs are totally hilarious and the unspoken truth

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