On Sept. 30th, 2010 my whole world stopped for a minute when I stood in my bathroom staring at a little digital hourglass go round and round before it switched to a word that changed me for the rest of my life.
And today is officially the date that I thought would never ever come. 9 months ago on the very day that I saw that word pregnant on a test for the first time in my entire life, I figured out today’s date on a random online due date calculator. I was giddy and I wanted to tell the whole world right there and then. And 9 months ago, today’s date sounded so ridiculously far away. Yet somehow we made it, and here we are waiting, holding our breath, beyond ready and so deliriously excited to meet this teeny little one, to fall madly in love, to kiss her toes, to see whose hair she has, to watch her little fingers wrap around ours.
So to my precious little baby girl….
I’m not kidding.
Baby girl, do you see the list of ‘pregnant buddies’ over there on the right? Yeah, almost half of their babies are out already. Those babies are home, sleeping in comfy swaddled bliss in cute little bassinettes, getting in good tummy time with their daddies, being passed around by people oggling all over their smooshy-faced baby cuteness while their mommies are enjoying the ability to take deep breaths while sleeping on their stomachs acid-reflux-free, eating spicy tuna rolls, drinking wine straight from the bottle, and wearing jeans that don’t have panels that have to be tucked into their bras to stay up. But you, you’re still in me poking me hard if I happen to cross my legs and smoosh your little head because I keep forgetting I am your house and you’ve officially run out of room. So come on, make like all your little baby buddies over there enjoying life on the outside, and know that the correct answer to the saying, “if one of your friends jumped off a bridge…” is yes. Yes you would jump, too. Because everyone’s doin’ it. And today is supposed to be your birthday.
This week, I’ve had absolutely no appetite – I’ve had to actually remind myself to eat which for me is just strange. Though considering there’s nowhere for the food to go and I get an awful bit of acid in my throat every time I do eat, it’s not surprising that at my doctor appointment Tuesday, I discovered that I’ve actually lost 2 pounds in the last week. So here I am, finally and officially at 38 pounds gained over the long haul of 40 weeks. I’m also incredibly uncomfortable…not so much in the heavy, tired, my pits are sweating through my shirt way (that, too though)…but more in the I want to crawl out of my own skin and run screaming down the hallway because just sitting here is annoying the shit outta me and wait, you want me to actually concentrate? If I were you I’d leave me be so I can go curl up in a corner and scratch my fingers down the plaster walls kinda way. Ever get like that? No? Uh, nevermind.
Other things from the doc: I’m now at 3cm dilated so those lovely lightning bolts of shooting pain in my womanly parts have actually made a little progress in the past week. The doc also did a quick procedure on me referred to as stripping the membrane which is basically manually separating the placenta from the uterus with a quick little swipe between the two. With what felt like nothing more than a 2 second menstrual cramp, the purpose was to stimulate the uterus in hopes of jump starting labor. And while it got me contracting, it ended up causing nothing but a lovely case of false labor for a fun-filled Tuesday night. Though I’m not gonna lie, if offered again, I’d jump on it…with a 1 in 10 chance of it working, I’d like to think that I could eventually be that 1.
I have another doctor appointment this afternoon where they’ll do a non-stress test. They’ll be hooking me up to a fetal monitor to listen to her heart for 25 minutes just to make sure she’s still doing great in there.
Ready for this one? It blows my mind that skin can stretch this far:
5 weeks, 24 weeks, 40 weeks (click to enlarge)
I keep thinking about how awesome Scott, baby girl and I pulled off this whole pregnancy thing together even though none of us knew what we were doing… I honestly don’t think I could’ve had a better experience, even with the heart scare, the almost gestational diabetes, and the debilitating sciatica, I wouldn’t change a thing because it was our experience and it happened the way it was supposed to. Which is part of the reason why when everyone keeps asking me if I’m nervous about labor, my answer is always a big fat, “no”. Aside from knowing that it’s inevitable and there’s nothing I can do about that, I have full faith in the fact that she, he, and I will rock this labor thing just like we rocked this pregnancy thing. So to labor, I say bring it on, baby, I’m ready.
I’ve been thinking more and more about all of the things I’m looking forward to (obviously aside from baby related stuff) or have since forgotten what they’re like (and while I realize there are a lot of “I”s in this list, I also know it’s probably the last time in the next 30 years I’ll actually be thinking about myself so here goes):
I haven’t actually worn a pair of pants with a button and zipper since December. I’m a little worried that I’ll end up walking around with my fly wide open a few times before I get used to pants that aren’t held up with elastic.
I also get a little giddy every time I see someone get up effortlessly. I actually made Scott squat down then stand up a few times the other day while I clapped and squealed in delight at the thought of regaining that ability. Ah the things we take for granted until they’re taken away. As of now if I have to get off the floor, the bed, a chair, the couch, you get the point, I feel like this little guy:
I wonder if I’ll feel light as air as soon as she’s out.
I wonder what my belly button is going to look like.
I wonder how long before my rings fit again.
I wonder if I’ll actually sleep on my stomach like I used to.
I wonder how quickly I’ll lose the weight.
I wonder if wine will taste as good as I remember.
I’m excited for my tank tops hitting me mid-thigh again.
I wonder how long before my stomach muscles are functional again.
I wonder if I’ll ever be able to think about Scott as a daddy without getting teary-eyed.
I wonder if my tattoo will go back to normal. Remember this guy? Sunny has since doubled in size.
I wonder how much I’ll miss this big baby belly and how long before I’ll want another.
And wow, I can’t believe we’re here…your 40 week belly shot:
Alrighty, baby girl. Let’s do this.
41 weeks —>