still waitin’

First of all, thank you for all of your wonderful words of support. I write to share what I’m going through, sometimes to help others realize that they’re not alone, other times with the hope of finding out that I’m not a complete whack-a-doodle and wanting to hear that someone else may actually relate, tell me it’s all ok, give me a cookie and let me know that we’re all in good company. And you guys know how to make a girl feel part of one big family. So thank you.

P.S. recently I’ve had a slight inkling that I’m not alone in this big world considering since my boob post, I’ve had 157 hits from people googling “mom boobs”. I’ve also had 19 hits for “mom boobz” because let’s face it, everything is cooler when spelled with a ‘z’. Awezomezzz.

So my doc appointment was as successful as it could have been. First on the agenda was the breast lump. He found it, described it as “on the large side” and said he could do one of two things to see if it was either a cyst or a milk-filled duct. Option 1 was an ultrasound, option 2 was to stick my boob with a needle and see what comes out. Considering I would probably have been sent to radiology for an ultrasound that I would have had to get undressed for and wait for an hour in the lobby in an open-backed gown with a bunch of other random people also in open-backed gowns all guessing what the other is there for while pretending to read a crappy magazine from 2 years ago before some random tech ran the magic wand over my already doctor-palpitated and sore right boob just to tell me that there’s a lump, I opted for the quick needle. I figured at this point regarding any pain, 2 months ago I pushed a 7 1/2 pound baby with a 13″ head out of me then 36 hours later rode home in the backseat of a bumpy car…. a little needle in the boob was nothin’. So he poked, pulled the plunger, and out came enough milk for my morning coffee. And yours. And the lady next door’s.

Sorry, too far? 🙂

So the good news is that it’s nothing to worry about and instantly, the lump was gone. The bad news is that 5 hours later it was already coming back and now it’s right back to the size it was before I went to the doctor. At this point I’m not worried, I just have to find out what needs to be done now to actually unclog the clog considering I’ve tried everything Dr. Google says to do…warm compresses, massage, look for little blisters to pop, etc. And I promise, the procedure really wasn’t as bad as a needle in the boob sounds and I’d do it again if given the choice.

Promize.

On the sadness homefront, I mentioned it to the doc and he asked me to what degree it’s affecting my life. Am I getting out of bed in the mornings? Am I functioning throughout the day or is it making basic things difficult? Is it affecting my relationships? I told him my frustrations and he recommended a few options for me, including a mom group and/or the name and number of a doctor he recommends who specializes in pregnancy and post-partum women for a consultation if I so desire.

At this point, I’m grateful to have the number in my purse if I need it. I’m not opposed to therapy as I’ve gone before for anxiety disorder, but I’m gonna be honest, I also realized in the last 2 days that I absolutely need to get out more. At the very least, I know I need to chat with my friends that have been through this. Sharon and I chatted for a while today and were both sad that we haven’t been talking regularly like we do. We’ve been best friends for years now, and since our babies have come into our lives we’ve been more sporadic with our relationship and it makes me wanna stick my lower lip out and pout. We agreed to make our friendship more of a priority again for both of us. I also drove out to one of my oldest and dearest friends, Nicci’s house yesterday where I spent time with her and her sister, Ann… friends that I’ve been close with since we were 5 years old. We shared stories for a few hours where we laughed and sympathized and introduced our kiddos to each other while we finished each others sentences during talks about life because everything I’ve been going through, they’ve been there, too.

And right now on top of all that, reading all of your comments of love and comfort and support and sympathy about how you’ve been through it yourselves – health scares or post-partum depression or less severe baby blues and whatnot – or are going through it now or have a loved one or best friend who has, too, or simply told me how I’m doing a good job…my heart feels full again. Your words mean so much to me. All of you. Such a wonderful support system I have surrounding me.

Thank youz.

On a final unexpected but completely fantastic note, my doctor bought my crinkle square off me for $10. Seriously, I told him he could have it for free when he saw how quickly it calmed Summer down but he wanted to buy it. He insisted.

You know it’s a good day when you leave the gynecologist $10 richer and your baby has a smile on her face ’cause she knows it was her Oscar-worthy performance that  sold it. Nice work, little one, just like we rehearsed.

Babies are the bestzzz.

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12 Comments

Filed under ridiculousness

12 responses to “still waitin’

  1. Sara Green

    I have been reading your posts and I am so happy that your family and doctor are so understanding and that they want to take the time to understand its more than just being tired. Its actually being depressed. I am still pregnant and at times my hormones get the best of me. I feel sad and sometimes just downright mean. I turn into the biggest…. well, just not a nice person to be around. Your daughter is beautiful and I wish you all the best!!! I look forward to reading more of your posts and learning more about being a new mom 🙂

  2. So happy your lumpy isn’t death-inducing! And I find that sometimes, a good drive to nowhere makes me feel better. (And usually leads me to Bluffdale for the best Chili-cheese fries in TExas.)

  3. You superstar, I can’t believe you sold a crinkle square to your gynecologist! I’m glad to hear it was just a blocked duct, and hopefully you can find a more permanent solution for that. Keep hanging out with your friends – we’re always here if you need us, too!

  4. Colleen - Creen

    Yay good news!
    Things will get easier. Baby is a major life change.

  5. Mandy

    So glad that it wasn’t something more serious than a clogged duct. Hopefully you will be able to find an uninvasive way to fix it! And glad you are feeling better emotionally as well. I find my girlfriends can fix almost anything, and the more we act silly together and laugh, the better I feel after the fact.
    And, I also can’t wait to check out your Etsy site once I start looking for baby shower gifts in a few months. Everything is adorable! 🙂

  6. Amanda Labello

    Glad to hear you are okay, sucky that it is coming back though.

    Have you ever heard of Heather Armstrong? She is a blogger out of Salt Lake City. She blogs about life, kids, design and she even talked in great detail about her struggles with post partum depression. She is very funny, very real and I think you may like her. Check 0ut her blog if you want http://www.dooce.com

  7. So glad to hear it wasn’t anything more than a clogged duct!! It sounds like you’re doing all the wonderful and right things by getting the support and love you need from your friends.

    And that’s awesome that you sold the gyno a crinkle square!! Amazing!

  8. As someone who went through a definite case of the baby blues (and was asked repeatedly if I had PPD just for choosing to blog about it…and no, it wasn’t PPD because I had suffered from depression in the past and it wasn’t nearly as bad), I commend you for being open and honest about this issue. I am glad that you sought help and that you know yourself well enough to know that while it may not be THAT bad right now, you have the numbers in your purse just in case it does turn into something more serious. And yes, talking with other adults, going out for even a 15 min coffee date can do WONDERS when you are a new mom. And you know yourself best — keep seeking out what brings you peace and helps to recharge you. And know that we’re all here rooting for you.

    P.S. — I am glad that the lump wasn’t more than a clogged duct, and I hope that you will find a solution to relieve it soon!

  9. Glad to hear that you’re doing better and have a few answers.

    Getting out and talking to other Moms makes a huge difference in my outlook. I didn’t know many other women with infants but found a great group thru Meetup.com. It’s nice to be around other women who are going through the same things and to be able to get advice when I need it, definitely helps relieve some of my sts and makes me feel more like my old self.

  10. I’m so glad to hear things are looking up, and commend you for being so honest about what you are going through. I haven’t even given birth yet, but I already know that how much things are changing can be pretty scary. So it is nice to know that I’m not the only one who doesn’t feel like sunshine and roses all the time. 🙂

  11. Summer was obviously born for sales. That’s an epic natural talent.

    Glad to hear the lump wasn’t serious!

  12. Pingback: randoms and whatnot | rabit stew

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