First of all, thank you for all of your wonderful words of support. I write to share what I’m going through, sometimes to help others realize that they’re not alone, other times with the hope of finding out that I’m not a complete whack-a-doodle and wanting to hear that someone else may actually relate, tell me it’s all ok, give me a cookie and let me know that we’re all in good company. And you guys know how to make a girl feel part of one big family. So thank you.
P.S. recently I’ve had a slight inkling that I’m not alone in this big world considering since my boob post, I’ve had 157 hits from people googling “mom boobs”. I’ve also had 19 hits for “mom boobz” because let’s face it, everything is cooler when spelled with a ‘z’. Awezomezzz.
So my doc appointment was as successful as it could have been. First on the agenda was the breast lump. He found it, described it as “on the large side” and said he could do one of two things to see if it was either a cyst or a milk-filled duct. Option 1 was an ultrasound, option 2 was to stick my boob with a needle and see what comes out. Considering I would probably have been sent to radiology for an ultrasound that I would have had to get undressed for and wait for an hour in the lobby in an open-backed gown with a bunch of other random people also in open-backed gowns all guessing what the other is there for while pretending to read a crappy magazine from 2 years ago before some random tech ran the magic wand over my already doctor-palpitated and sore right boob just to tell me that there’s a lump, I opted for the quick needle. I figured at this point regarding any pain, 2 months ago I pushed a 7 1/2 pound baby with a 13″ head out of me then 36 hours later rode home in the backseat of a bumpy car…. a little needle in the boob was nothin’. So he poked, pulled the plunger, and out came enough milk for my morning coffee. And yours. And the lady next door’s.
Sorry, too far? 🙂
So the good news is that it’s nothing to worry about and instantly, the lump was gone. The bad news is that 5 hours later it was already coming back and now it’s right back to the size it was before I went to the doctor. At this point I’m not worried, I just have to find out what needs to be done now to actually unclog the clog considering I’ve tried everything Dr. Google says to do…warm compresses, massage, look for little blisters to pop, etc. And I promise, the procedure really wasn’t as bad as a needle in the boob sounds and I’d do it again if given the choice.
On the sadness homefront, I mentioned it to the doc and he asked me to what degree it’s affecting my life. Am I getting out of bed in the mornings? Am I functioning throughout the day or is it making basic things difficult? Is it affecting my relationships? I told him my frustrations and he recommended a few options for me, including a mom group and/or the name and number of a doctor he recommends who specializes in pregnancy and post-partum women for a consultation if I so desire.
At this point, I’m grateful to have the number in my purse if I need it. I’m not opposed to therapy as I’ve gone before for anxiety disorder, but I’m gonna be honest, I also realized in the last 2 days that I absolutely need to get out more. At the very least, I know I need to chat with my friends that have been through this. Sharon and I chatted for a while today and were both sad that we haven’t been talking regularly like we do. We’ve been best friends for years now, and since our babies have come into our lives we’ve been more sporadic with our relationship and it makes me wanna stick my lower lip out and pout. We agreed to make our friendship more of a priority again for both of us. I also drove out to one of my oldest and dearest friends, Nicci’s house yesterday where I spent time with her and her sister, Ann… friends that I’ve been close with since we were 5 years old. We shared stories for a few hours where we laughed and sympathized and introduced our kiddos to each other while we finished each others sentences during talks about life because everything I’ve been going through, they’ve been there, too.
And right now on top of all that, reading all of your comments of love and comfort and support and sympathy about how you’ve been through it yourselves – health scares or post-partum depression or less severe baby blues and whatnot – or are going through it now or have a loved one or best friend who has, too, or simply told me how I’m doing a good job…my heart feels full again. Your words mean so much to me. All of you. Such a wonderful support system I have surrounding me.
On a final unexpected but completely fantastic note, my doctor bought my crinkle square off me for $10. Seriously, I told him he could have it for free when he saw how quickly it calmed Summer down but he wanted to buy it. He insisted.
You know it’s a good day when you leave the gynecologist $10 richer and your baby has a smile on her face ’cause she knows it was her Oscar-worthy performance that sold it. Nice work, little one, just like we rehearsed.
Babies are the bestzzz.