It’s official, I have another brother-in-law and my sister is a married woman who needs to start making babies, stat. And I’m happy to report that I survived the toast…. 2 nights ago, I typed out a speech.
Then I deleted it.
So I wrote another and deleted that one, too.
By the third time around, I had a good one. It was sappy. It would probably get a few awwwwwwwws. It talked about kindred spirits and romantic optimism and knowing that your one true love is out there and when you find him, it’s good food for the soul. And I was happy I had something written down because I didn’t want to have a repeat performance of my other sister’s wedding where I was also maid of honor.
Have I not mentioned what happened? Yeah, about that…..
I think I may have mentioned that I hate public speaking, no? So when I was 15-years-old back in 2000…ok fine, I was 21 but whatever…alright, 23…I knew I had to give a speech in front of I think 250 people and I decided to wing it. No note cards, not even a few bullet points written on the back of my hand, and the toasts started but they had set it up differently than usual. They had a microphone on the dance floor and invited anyone that wanted to say something to get up and do so.
I panicked. I sweated.
I knew I had to get up there soon when the best man got up and gave a toast. Then, when I was about to go, my uncle beat me to it and read aloud a note that my sister had written to him 10 years earlier when she was 16 and had just met her now husband.
I couldn’t follow that. It was good. Too good.
So I waited for the next person to get up hoping that they would suck, making whatever I was going to say seem so much better. And a woman I’ve never seen before in my life gets up, takes the mic, and what does she do? She sings.
Who does that for a wedding toast?!? I really really couldn’t follow that.
And I don’t know why, but as I sat waiting for my chance to get up there while my armpits were sweating down the sides of my powder blue dress and I was silently panicking, I swear, person after person got up and each toast got progressively better. And by the time the last person gave a toast, you would have thought it was the Pope himself giving my sister and her husband a freaking gold medal directly from the hands of Jesus. These people were pros I tells ya.
And when the microphone went quiet and I swear I was the only person left in the room who hadn’t gotten up there and I finally had my chance….
I was drunk.
People, I had been so nervous that I somehow managed to get plastered in about 15 minutes and I didn’t give a toast at my own sister’s wedding.
I’m still a little scarred from that experience and I didn’t even actually give a speech at that one. So again, I was happy yesterday knowing that at the very worst, I could read directly from the little piece of paper in my purse. But then, as I was talking to my older sister about how I didn’t want to panic again like I did at her wedding, she suggested we do a toast together and just wing it.
Oh. Hell. Yes.
And we did it, and it was great, even got a few chuckles, and I ended up giving my sister, the bride, the speech I was going to give because I still wanted her to know how I felt and what I had prepared and I’m happy I did.
And this time I saved the massive amounts of alcohol for after the speech.