3 months

I can’t believe it’s been 3 months!

She’s graduated…she’s officially outgrown the newborn sized diapers and is now in a size 1, though looking back we probably could have made the switch a few weeks ago considering how many times the poop traveled up the back of her itsy bitsy diaper all over my pants. I wasn’t sure when to move up to the next size since I’ve only ever seen her in the little newborn ones. Although in hindsight, I probably could have guessed it was time once she had a baby muffin top, because clearly the ass-plosion blowouts didn’t give it away.

The pile of clothes that she no longer fits into is getting bigger by the day and it makes me sad. And for every time that I say that I can’t wait to see what she’ll look like as a teenager or until she can crawl or sit or walk or talk, I don’t want her to get any bigger.

Scott thinks he’s going to love the toddler to 5-year-old stage, but I like baby. Little smiley happy baby discovering the world, turning her head when she hears my voice, I want her to stay in the little mini baby stage because it’s…God, I don’t even know how to describe it.

Every morning when I wake up, I unswaddle her and the second I say good morning with a smile on my face, she’s grinning back at me with a cheeky gummy grin from ear to ear. I want to bottle the feelings that smile gives me. There is nothing better in the world than that smile first thing in the morning.

And you know with all the happy momma feelings comes the scariness of it all. The latest crisis (because there’s always one, you know?)…about a week ago I felt a little bump on her head…pea sized, just under the skin about an inch behind her ear, and it rolled around when I touched it. It worried me a little. And then I noticed another one. 2 little bumps on her left side. And then another one on the right. I decided it was time to put a call into her doctor and in the meantime consult with Dr. Google. Dr. G’s prognosis was that they were swollen lymph nodes from her being sick a few weeks ago…I get those in my neck every time I get sick so it made sense…but when I noticed another on the other side, I figured I’d wait to see what her live doc had to say before assuming anything. Though for some reason my first thought was the worst…here I was (and to be honest still am) thinking it was tumors boring through her skull, attacking her brain.

Uggg, to be a momma.

And when I got a call from the nurse telling me what I’ve already been told by the internet, that yes, they’re probably just swollen lymph nodes, nothing to worry about, and they’ll see us in October for our 4 month appointment, my mind was set at ease.

A little.

Though of course I’m still worrying about the worst, hoping for the best, and inspecting her head any chance I get. I keep watching to make sure I don’t rest her head on the bumps when she’s eating, making sure she’s not overly fussy or angry or…just anything out of the ordinary…sorry baby…you’ll just have to bear with your neurotic momma.

Ah 3 months. So much love. So many smiles. So much happiness, guilt, awe, serenity, worry…so much worry!… such a rollercoaster this whole parenthood thing is. I’ve loved every moment and to think, I’m only 3 months in with a lifetime of moments to go…

God, I love that face.