back to work

Well, I survived my return…Office Jaime is back baby!

I have to say that surprisingly, the hard part about going back wasn’t being away from the baby for 11 hours, oh no. And it wasn’t the 3 months of work that I swear people had been saving for my return that slowly piled on my desk hour after burying hour while I desperately wished I was home in my quiet living room snuggling with the baby. Nope. And it honestly wasn’t even the sitting practically topless in my little side office that happens to be the new home to 12 discarded desk chairs that I have to climb over to find the actual desk and outlet while I milk myself like a cow every 3 hours that made it hard to be back. Yes, be jealous, my life is glamorous my friends… I now milk myself.

No sir. That was all a walk in the park.

It wasn’t the being away that was hard, rather it was what I came home to…a totally different baby than the one I had kissed goodbye Monday morning.

Let me explain…Scott is an awesome dad. He’s hands-on, madly in love with our girl, a diaper-changer-extrordinaire, and he has the golden shoulder that induces drool down the back and baby-snores instantly. I love him to pieces for keeping the baby alive and well and I love him for setting up the webcam so he can pop in on instant messenger once in a while and flash me a baby smile…

…and I love him for taking pictures and sending them to me throughout the day and I love him for putting the baby in the stroller and taking a walk with her, something even I didn’t do when I was home alone with her for 3 months straight.

But damn it if that baby didn’t completely forget who I was by Monday evening.

Forgotten.

Gone.

Legally changing my name tomorrow.

Oh…trust me…I call shenanigans…I have my suspicions about how this may have happened…how this baby forgot about all the blood, sweat and tears I poured over her for the last 3 months, how she somehow has forgotten about how I sat and pumped every last drop any chance I got so she could have a wonderful supply of food made just for her when I was gone, forgotten about all the times I woke up with her in the middle of the night, sometimes 3 times a night and rocked her back to sleep with a Mary Poppins smile on my face after I wiped away her tears and poop and boogers while she covered me in pee and vomit, forgotten about how I cried when she cried because she and I were like thissss and I felt her pain because we had this incredible bond that no one could break. Nope, she couldn’t have just forgotten, I’ve decided they must be in cahoots, these two.

 

Look at those sly faces. Hmmmmm.

So here’s what I’m thinkin’…it may have been the fact that Scott and I forgot to discuss any sort of feeding schedule for her and she literally ate her weight in food my first day gone. Seriously…there were 12 empty bottles in the sink when I got home. She was in a happy milk coma all day long.

Or the fact that when I got home she couldn’t be taken past a tv without her head spinning around a full 360 degrees to see every last bit of the screen before it was out of sight, kinda makes me wonder what a small portion of her day maybe consisted of. Yep. And the fact that every time I tried to get her to look at me and flash one of her awesome smiles, no exaggeration, instead her gaze would go straight to her daddy and track his every move until they locked eyes and spoke in a silent connected eye language thingy that I wasn’t let in on. Damn inside jokes, I swear they were smirksing…ask Tyra, it’s like smising. Anywho, all of my findings led me to one conclusion…

The baby has gone and fallen in love with her daddy cause he spoiled her rotten. 🙂

Ya’ll know I can’t compete with that when I’m gone all day. So since Monday I’ve done all I can to become the baby’s favorite again get her back on a schedule and funny, I keep hearing LL Cool J rapping words in my head – don’t call it a comeback, I’ve been here for years… I’ve implemented a strict 3 hour, 4oz feeding schedule. Strict! Ok hehe, not really… if the baby’s hungry of course she’s not gonna be denied. 🙂 And I’ve maybe kinda hinted at mama-approved tv by accidentally leaving Curious George and Sesame Street on the tv when I walk out the door cause if she’s gonna watch it, I’d rather it be Elmo than a 10 hour Rob Dyrdek’s Fantasy Factory marathon. I also now encourage walks while she’s sleeping so she doesn’t remember who was on the giving end of all the fresh air.

Sing it, LL….oh yeah, I’m making a comeback.

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11 Comments

Filed under Office Jaime, Summer

11 responses to “back to work

  1. I never actually thought of pumping that way. Thank you for the new perspective, Nachos!

  2. hahahahaha!! you are so comical. Love it!. Glad you first day back was a success 🙂

  3. I’m glad you survived your first week. They’re totally in cahoots. Gotta be. No way she’d forget all you’ve done for her. I expect the same from Sam and my husband when I head back to work. Meanies!

  4. Aww! What a cute post! I swear I’m already having anxiety about returning to work! I won’t want to leave our precious baby home when the time comes!

  5. Simona

    You are hilarious. I love reading your posts!

  6. Teehee! They totally plotted to make you think she’d forgotten you! 🙂

  7. Haha, the photo updates were all part of the master plan to lull you into thinking there wasn’t a behind-the-scenes scheme going on! 🙂 Good luck with your comeback….

  8. you can’t trust anybody!

  9. Brittany

    You crack me up!

  10. I loved this post. Not so much the fact that the baby is getting less attached to you, but how she has grown closer to her father, the way the entry is written, and even the photoshopped driver’s license! Thanks for bringing a smile to my face. 🙂

  11. Just wait until she’s a teenager. Let daddy be the no-dating-ever bad guy! MUAHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHA! In thirteen years, you are totally in.

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