There are a few things in this life that abnormally give me the heebie geebies or just make me feel icky and I can’t explain it. The pattern of a honeycomb, for instance, creeps me out and I have no idea why. Disproportionate objects weird me out – my sister once had a poster of dogs whose faces were huge and their bodies were tiny and I hated that thing. I’m looking at you, Ludacris, and your freaky big head little body Roll Out video.


I also have a weird thing about teeth. They don’t have to be super sparkly white or perfectly straight or anything like that, they don’t even have to all be present. And I’m not talking about the obvious normal cringe-worthy things like being frozen in horror when you’re talking face to face with someone but all you hear is the spit moving across the gross white chunk in between their teeth that looks like a big soggy piece of bread and you wonder why they can’t feel it.

Sorry, that was gross. No, I’m talking about getting the shivers when I think about anything cloth-like rubbing on teeth. Like when the dentist puts gauze in my mouth and it squeaks on my dry teeth and makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I have tooth whitening trays I bought recently and when I read the instructions, “dry your teeth before applying trays,” I ended up rubbing my teeth up and down my forearm because there was no way I was going to wipe them off with a paper towel or tissue or bath towel or toilet paper or my shirt. If anyone ever wanted to torture me, all they’d have to do is pin me down and rub a cotton ball across my teeth. I don’t know why it skeeves me, it just does.

There’s a new billboard that went up last week that I pass on my way home from work everyday now and, as if I actually needed another tooth hang-up, it gave me one. It’s an ad for a center in Northbrook that specializes in memory loss and the billboard has a picture of a razor, like the kind that I would use to shave my legs. The caption next to it says something like, “Razor or toothbrush? Don’t let your memory go.” And everyday I get the image in my head of a sweet little grandpa picking up his razor and shaving off the top layer of his teeth like a potato peeler.


I just…


My last tooth hang-up I have is when my teeth rub together. It happens once in a while when I’m biting down on something and my molars graze each other and kinda stick to each other and it freaks me the frick out. Whitening gum makes them do that for some reason. I don’t ever ever chew whitening gum. I know I’m not alone in this but the whole tooth grinding thing in general just gets me, and I think it’s partly because the first time I ever heard someone grinding their teeth was in grade school when I slept over at a friend’s house. All night long I laid there wide awake thinking the house was creaking, but it turned out it was her teeth being ground down into little chicklets. A few years later, that girl killed herself. No joke. And that, unfortunately, is what I think of every time someone mentions grinding teeth. 

So with all of that said, I have a baby in the throes of teething. It’s funny, when my mom had said that we all pretty much had full sets of teeth by the time we were 1, I couldn’t picture it, but now I completely understand how that can happen! And Summer has recently had another tooth-splosion with 6 teeth on top and 4 on the bottom, making a grand total of 10 teeth, and there are definitely more coming. See?

Teething of course means inevitable tooth issues whether it’s soreness, teeth cutting through, interrupted sleep, biting the furniture, etc. Though breastfeeding a baby with teeth? Surprisingly not an issue. So anywho, last night I got home from work and I was playing with Summer, and all of a sudden she started grinding her teeny little teeth and it sent cold shivers shooting down my spine. It made my teeth hurt. And she was just grinding and grinding, making that horrific sound like 2 wet rocks rubbing against each other. Oh Jebus. So I consulted some mommy friends to see if they’ve experienced the glory of baby tooth grinding and friend Emily at Oh! Apostrophe assured me it is a normal thing for a baby – the teeth have to be super sharp to cut through the gums and the grinding is to smooth them out after they’ve come through. Ahhhhhhhhhhh, so, ok, good. Makes sense. Can I just ask that we have 1 more tooth-splosion for the remaining 10 teeth so I don’t have to listen to that sound for the next 2 years??  Fantastic.

If you need me, I’ll be over here in the corner cradling my jaw in my hand, shivering uncontrollably while my baby is chewing on the couch.



Filed under Parenting

8 responses to “gnash

  1. E @ Oh! Apostrophe

    Ha tooth-splosion 🙂 That’s how I’d prefer it keep happening over here too. Get those darn things OUT ugh!

  2. Jacqui

    This blog entry gave me shudders… literally, as SOON as you mentioned cloth on teeth… I can’t stand that thought, let alone the sound or sight of it. I have the EXACT same hang up. My husband has to wear a mouth guard to bed because he occasionally grinds and I can’t. stand. it. (Super romantic, i know)
    My little guy is 7.5 months and no teeth yet, but I’m now dreading the potential fabric chewing. For some reason the thought of wool is the WORST of the shudder-inducing fabrics.

  3. Morgan

    The thought of someone using a razor instead of a toothbrush makes me shudder too! Hope Summer’s teething gets over and done with soon!

  4. Several things that made me giggle—
    -Skeeves is an awesome word, and I can’t wait for the chance to arise where I can use it.
    -Razors and teeth. This made me shiver, and cry a little thinking about it, but it would be funny to just see an old person walking down the road one day shaving his or her teeth. It wouldn’t surprise me if my own grandmother did it.
    -My favorite was mentions of Summer chewing on the couch. And now, I have the strange urge to chew on my pillow, even though it tastes like fabric softener. Thank you for making my day.

    p.s. I did not disappear, I just kind of went bungee jumping off the face of the earth. Jk. I just had my engine in my car burst into flames, and have been trying to get that dealt with, along with preparing for graduation, and my move to NEW YORK. I’m so excited.

    Again, thanks for making my day, Nachos. (Damn, now I want those, too.)

  5. Mandy

    Ugggggggggh the image/sound of someone peeling off the top layer of their teeth like a potato peeler just made me shiver and gag.

  6. Simona

    omg…Samantha went thru a teeth-grinding phase that I had forgotten about until right now. I hope James doesn’t go through it. It makes me want to pass out when I hear it. Ugh, just typing about it is giving me chills.

  7. Pingback: tids of bits | rabit stew

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