the frogs, they know things

It was nighttime. I could hear the wind throwing the rain against the windows as I walked through the dark house and tiptoed down the stairs to see what the unfamiliar noise was coming from the basement. The third to last step creaked like always and when I finally reached the bottom step and turned at the landing, I found myself standing on one side of a wide crack that ran along the length of the floor drawing a line from one wall to the other. The ground was jaggedly cut in half and the two pieces of the concrete floor rocked back and forth, shifting and grinding against each other from the storm outside like 2 plates of earth in the midst of an earthquake. With every wax and wane, water would rise up from the crack, sometimes just a puddle, other times a wave that would flood the entire floor and then retreat to the crack, settling back into the earth.

I began to panic knowing that at any moment the water could overtake me, the house could crumble and fall. I turned around and ran back up the stairs taking them 2 at a time, every other step highlighted by the flashes of lightning flickering through the windows onto the floor. I had to find someone, anyone, to help me. My dad was sitting in my living room, unaware of the potential turmoil quietly threatening us just 10 feet below.

“Come quickly!” I said as I tried to catch my breath.

“But there’s nothing I can do for you,” he simply said.

“Please,” I pleaded, “just come see, you don’t have to do anything. I just need you to see it.”

And so he came. He stood at the edge of the crack in the floor and felt the cool water sloshing around his feet, and although he could not help me, I felt better knowing that someone else was there with me watching. With wide eyes, we both stared as the crack slowly started to grow longer, creeping up along the walls on both sides, continuing on past the ceiling overhead where we could no longer see its path. We ran up the stairs to follow it, and my dad and I stood together in my living room and watched as the crack on each wall traveled up higher and higher above us, both ends ultimately meeting in the middle of the ceiling forming a complete split down the center of the house. With a quiet crackling sound, the ceiling opened up as the house shifted slightly from the storm, and we blinked the raindrops out of our eyes as we stood and watched hundreds of frogs leaping from the crack above to the floor at our feet.

And then I woke up.

I haven’t had vivid weird dreams like that since I was on the patch….well, aside from my dream last night about my friend Kelly’s awesomely muscled workout thighs. So I did what I normally do if I have a dream that totally doesn’t make sense, I looked it all up in Dream Moods because if it’s on the internet, it has to be true, right? Right.

Here’s what it said….

House: To see a house in your dream represents your own soul and self. The basement represents the subconscious. If the house is shifting, then it suggests that you are going through some personal changes and changing your belief system. To dream that water is rising up in your house suggests that you are becoming overwhelmed by your emotions.

Crack: To dream of a crack in some object indicates that something in your life is imperfect. The dream may also be a pun on “cracking under pressure”. You may be experiencing difficulties in trying to maintain your composure and keeping it together.

Lightning: Lightning implies a shocking turn of events. There are many forces governing your life that may be beyond your control and even destructive.

Storm: To see a storm in your dream signifies some overwhelming struggle, shock, loss or catastrophe in your waking life. The storm also represents unexpressed fears or emotions, such as anger, rage, turmoil, etc. On a more positive note, it may signal rapid changes ahead for you.

Frog: To see a frog in your dream represents a potential for change or the unexpected. To see frogs leaping in your dream suggests that you are taking major steps toward some goal. It parallels your progress.

Do you see a theme? I see a whole lot of emotions, fear, and change, and they’re right. Those dream frogs are some smarty pants little buggers.

Scott just started his first extension period with unemployment benefits and I can’t believe how I blinked and it is suddenly 5 months since he was laid off. And I’m trying to stay positive but I’m starting to get scared. I’m scared that unless we’re reading it wrong, 2013 unemployment extended benefits laws for Illinois aren’t determined yet and we may only be ok until December. That’s 3 months from now. On the other hand we might be ok for another year and a half, we just don’t know yet.

I’m happy that with encouragement from my amazing friend Kelly and her fabulous workout booty shorts thighs, that I kicked Comcast in their big hairy balls and saved us $134 PER MONTH for cable and internet through different companies. I knocked $10 off my cell phone bill by finding out that I get a 15% discount through my company. I saved $10 by signing up for cable through my phone company. I saved us $45 month by getting rid of our home phone. I took over the electric bill and give Scott one less thing  to worry about. But I’m scared because no matter how much I can save us, my current salary alone will never be enough to pay for everything if unemployment benefits run out before someone extends a job offer to Scott.

Scott and I are not the type to wait and see what happens and I’m sure we would both agree to sell the house before we ran out of money to pay for it. But I’m scared that with the job situation out of our control, we don’t know when that would be and I’d be devastated if we sold the house and then Scott found a job and we discovered we didn’t have to get rid of it after all. I’m scared that Scott wouldn’t have to make much money to cover the expenses that I can’t, but then we’d have to find and pay for childcare and that would mean an extra $1200/month we’d have to factor in which creates that awful circle of “we have to work to pay for daycare that we would need to be able to work to pay for daycare.”

I’m scared of the unknown and I don’t like that. But I’m trying to stay positive because worrying never fixed anything in the history of ever. I do believe everything will work out the way it’s meant to, I just hope it happens with the least amount of upheaval and stress as possible. One way or another, change is coming and I’m just anxious to see where it’s going to come from.

Maybe the frogs will give me a hint tonight.



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4 responses to “the frogs, they know things

  1. Laura

    Hi Jaime,

    I’ve never commented here before, even though I subscribe and should have well before now – your posts are beautifully written and have often made me tear up as I read them.

    I can’t think of anything spectacularly wise or enlightening to say to make you feel better and take some of the fear away, and sadly I don’t have the ability to create a job offer for your husband. I guess I just wanted you to know that up here in Canada there’s a fellow mama thinking about you and your wonderful family, and hoping for and believing in the best for you, which is no less than what you deserve.

    My grandmother used to say to me when I was down that “If money can fix it, sweet pea, it’s not a problem”. There have been times when I’ve been sadly reminded how true that is, and it’s helped me to take a deep breath and tackle another day of the unknown (a stiff drink here and there helps too).

    Big hugs across the internet, fingers crossed for you and yours!

    And I also have to say this – Summer is adorable (as if you didn’t already know that)!

  2. D

    I clicked the Comment button, thinking many of the same things as Laura. I read your blog regularly, and I love your positive attitude and adorable little girl. I have a son very close in age to Summer, and you’ve done a great job of capturing some of my own thoughts and experiences in the last 15 months.

    My husband was also laid off, although before my son was born. We made some adjustments, and everything is working out. It’s a stressful situation to go through, and I wish you and your family the best.

  3. Sarah

    Ant think of anything else to say besides “good luck”! Myhusband lost his job a couple of years ago and was unemployed for over a year. It was definitely a scary time- especially early on in marriage! Stay positive!

  4. Thinking of you, and saying a prayer for your family. You are so strong!

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