i swear

I remember a time not too long ago when I didn’t see what the big deal was about swearing, and if I’m being honest, it still kinda makes me go hmmmmm if I break it down into what it really is – someone somewhere put 4 innocent letters together and decided that this 4 letter combo was to be deemed “bad” even though it doesn’t necessarily have an actual concrete meaning or even half a line in the dictionary. Why not braf, or perd or slor? What makes shit bad? Is it bad for you? Is it bad to you? I don’t get it. And while we’re on the topic, it’s also kinda funny that someone somewhere decided that if they stuck their second finger in the air all by itself and turned their hand backwards at someone, it was considered an insulting gesture. I say give ’em the kneecap, or the shoulder blade or ooo, the eyelashes because those make about as much sense as ‘giving someone the finger’. Maybe it’s all just a universal way to let out aggression without actually doing anything real or physical or legitimately destructive? I don’t know.

What I do know is that while I don’t think I swear frequently, I wouldn’t exactly refer to myself as ‘proper’, either. Bad words do happen to fall out of my mouth on occasion, like 2 seconds ago when I poured water all over my keyboard, the language became rather colorful around here for a second. I also let ’em fly when I turn for the toilet paper roll and there’s a spider hanging from it or when I kick the bedframe with my pinky toe for the 1,500th time or when I realize I just did something really stupid. Take last night for instance – there I was making dinner. I had whisked and poured my eggs into a baking pan on the counter and was busy preparing the cheese and sausage to go into it, and Scott asked me if I sprayed the baking pan with Pam. I said not yet.


Shoot. I mean shoot.

It took me a second to realize that it’s a little too late to spray a pan with Pam after you’ve already filled it with a dozen and a half eggs. For me, the swearing really just kinda falls out of my mouth like an insignificant tick and I don’t even realize it’s happening until it’s over.

Scott on the other hand, he has a mouth like a trucker and he’s just now starting to understand that after he says what the hell? and I ask what the what? that I don’t actually want him to repeat his sentence. Again, this one….

Though I was shocked that he was shocked when he found out that ‘ass’ is on the list of no words in front of Summer. Baby steps.

And now we are getting to a point in our house where we have to be extra choosy about the words we use because at any point in any conversation, I can pretty much look down and see the words being vaccuumed straight from my mouth into her brain through the little openings on the sides of her head.


And while I’m not gonna lie, it might actually be really kind of funny to see a little one drop something and go “aw, what the hell…” in a squeaky little baby voice because that’s what her momma and daddy say, I’d rather it not come from my kid because I might laugh. And anytime she does something and she sees me laugh, she does it over and over and over. Case in point, Scott sneezed ONCE over the weekend, she copied him to a tee, I laughed my ass buttcheeks off, and now she’ll do this on command…..

To view directly on YouTube, click here.

Cute as poop if I do mother freaking say so my-gosh darn-self.



Filed under craziness, Parenting

14 responses to “i swear

  1. OMG. Hazel has started to throw her bottle down when she is done, so my husband has started to yell- Done, B@#ches- whenever she does it- because she throws it gangster style and waves her hands in the air! I know that at some point we REALLY need to clean up our language!

  2. Oh my goodness so sweet! We have to start watching our mouths too! I also worry about arguing in front of her. I want her to learn how to resolve conflict with gentle voices.

  3. Haha, yes they definitely pick up on things quickly! My favorite was when my niece (who was about 3 at the time) picked up “Damn, girl” from somewhere – not sure who, since neither of her parents say that, but it was hilarious!

  4. Totally with you on the swearing thing; I don’t understand why some words are “bad,” and I think the idea of words being “bad” is flaming stupid.

    But I understand not saying them in front of Summer…….yesterday, I was in the back room at work, and smushed my thumb in the giant freezer door, causing me to go “bleep bleep bleepin bleep! #%$@#$%#$%$@%$%#@” right as a customer walked past me to go to the bathroom. Ooops. Luckily she was easy going and came out to tell me a story about how she did the same thing at her job, once.

    Anyway, totes with you. Haha.

    • Pain is a big trigger for my potty mouth, too and it is always the toe stub on the bed frame. I’m starting to wonder if Scott moves the bed an inch or 2 every once in a while just to throw me off in the dark!

  5. A few new mothers at my office have adopted saying “what the hunk” – it’s kind of a good, catch-all, satisfying phrase that is a pretty easy substitute 🙂

  6. I agree on making a big stink out of four little words. Is it wrong that I was somewhat proud that the first time TQC said a bad word, she used it appropriately? She said “Damn it” when she spilled her breakfast. Ha.

  7. Katie

    Haha my 17 month old says “oh shit”….way too much. And it is so hard not to laugh because it’s precious, but then I feel kind of bad because he didn’t just pick this up one day, we had him repeat us a few months ago cuz we thought we were hilarious or something, and then he hadn’t said it since. Well somehow he remembered he knew this phrase and how to use it correctly. So he drops something…”ohhh shiittt.”

    • Sounds like the first time Summer stuck her finger up her nose and I laughed and made a game out of it. Now the nose finger shows up every once in a while because dayum those babies never forget a thing.

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