It takes but one time for me to do something stupid or embarrassing before learning my lesson and never doing it again. Like the one time I decided to get a little sun on my shoulders while hand washing my car in the driveway of my Wildwood house and I waved to my neighbor as he pulled into his driveway. Then I realized my boob was hanging out of my bikini top. And now I only wash my car in a full jumpsuit. In the dead of night. With 5 bras on and one of those glasses/mustache disguises.
I’ll never forget my sophomore year roommate, Michelle, busting through our dorm room door after a class throwing down her book bag laughing. And the words that followed, “why didn’t you tell me I had a huge glob of conditioner in my ear? IT LOOKS LIKE A GIANT BOOGER,” made me start laughing, too. And ever since, I check my ears every time I get out of the shower for fear of walking around with a huge conditioner loogie dripping out of the fold of my own cartilage.
I’ll never forget the high school sleepover at my friend Kate’s house where we had a bonfire in her huge backyard and we roasted marshmallows over the fire. And as I stood up to go into the house, I felt a sticky string of melted sugar pull me back to my chair by the seat of my pants like a lasso. I had sat on a marshmallow and melted it with me bum. And now, almost 20 years later, I always check my seat before I sit down just to make sure.
And in my 35 years of doing stupid things, I have developed a sort of checklist of a few things worth checking before walking out the door everyday –
Nothing hanging out of my nose?
Flat iron turned off?
Boob in shirt?
Keys, phone, purse, gloves?
Check, check, check, and check.
And this morning, after being at work for 4 HOURS, I looked down and realized I need to add something to that morning checklist….
This will never happen again.