Every year around this time I get a little weepy. Summer’s birthday is in 2 short days and the last 2 birthdays brought on ugly momma cries and nostalgia for the little peanut she once was. This year I’m happy to say that I don’t have fat ploppy tears dripping off my chin and shorting out the keys one by one on my keyboard as I type.
It’s a start.
Maybe it’s because of the fact that everything about my lovey amazes me everyday. I especially love the little talks we can have now where it’s not just me talking to her, it’s her talking back, actual conversation with someone who looks to me for guidance and approval and support and a hand to hold.
So the paci fairy came to Summer and Daddy’s house last Friday and took all her pacifiers away to give to all the little babies in the world who need them. It was time. And the other night was my first night with her sans pacifier. At bedtime we laid down in my bed and she snuggled in with her other bedtime staples she’s had since birth – her pink and brown blankie and her monkey – and it was clear she was physically uncomfortable as she tossed and turned a little and kept asking me for “something”. But when I asked her what, she didn’t know what to say since she understood that all of her pacifiers had been turned over to the paci fairy. So to try to ease her mental angst of being without her comforting paci that she has fallen asleep with every night since she was born, we had a talk.
“Summer, can I tell you a story?”
“When I was a little girl like you are now, I had a pink blankie,” I said.
“Like my pink blankie? Did it have a pink side and a brown side like mine does?” she asked.
“Nope, pink blankie was all pink but it was fuzzy and warm just like yours. And I loved that blankie more than anything in this whole big world, pink blankie and I were inseparable. I brought it with me everywhere. And every time Nanna and Dabadoo wanted to wash it because it was getting stinky like feet, I would cry and cry because to me it smelled like pure love. So anyway, one day Nanna decided that I was too old for pink blankie and I had to give it away. I think she wanted to give it to a little baby who needed it more than me, just like you and your pacis. And it was hard. It was really really hard. And I thought about pink blankie every night when I’d go to sleep because I missed it so so much. But you know what? Eventually as the nights came and went, I thought about pink blankie less and less until one night I didn’t even think about pink blankie, not even once, before I fell asleep. It got easier and easier until it didn’t bother me anymore, and the same will happen to you. I promise.”
Bam. Nailed it. Totally related to her pain. I so got this.
“Momma?” she asked quietly as she stared deep into my eyes.
“ARE YOU GONNA TAKE AWAY MY BLANKIE TOO?????????? YOU JUST SAID THE SAME THING WILL HAPPEN TO ME, DON’T TAKE AWAY MY BLANKIE, I JUST GAVE AWAY ALL MY PAAAAAACIS!”
“Oh sweets, we’re not taking away your blankie.”
“Is your story over?” she asked.
“Momma?” she asked.
“Yes, my lovey?”
“Can I please have my paci now?”