the anatomy of a hallmark movie

Since it appears the mailman keeps losing my invitations to all of the swanky galas and holiday soirees that the fancypants people of the world are inviting me to, I’ve been filling my free time with emptying the dishwasher, filling the dishwasher, vacuuming, taking apart the smoking vacuum to cut a small hamster made of mine and Summer’s hair off the brush, and declaring war on the ants trying to find shelter from the winter tundra outside by setting up camp under my kitchen cabinets.

Life is glamorous, my friends.

Lately though, my favorite freetime moments have been spent watching marathons of Hallmark Christmas movies. Despite the fact that the bones behind every single Hallmark movie are exactly the same, kind of like watching Groundhog Day over and over just with different actors each time…

girl meets boy

girl hates boy

major crisis happens

boy helps girl fix it

girl and boy fall in love

The end.

…they are one of my beloved guilty pleasures. I anxiously await the moment I have a free hour or two to curl up under a blanket with the doggies sleeping at my feet and a dark living room, save for the orangey glow radiating from my Christmas tree. And like gravy on bread, I’ll sit and soak up some movie called “A Pig Whisperer’s Christmas Miracle” or “Santa, I Want a Daddy” with Candace Cameron or Lacey WhatsHerName or Winnie Cooper usually playing an advertising executive or a tv reporter or, well… a pig whisperer. Regardless of the fact that I already know exactly how it’ll end before the opening credits even start, I still love starting a new one with the opening scene involving a Christmas melody and a winter wonderland with twinkling lights. I think it’s because, as my sister Julie will so eloquently tell you, I love love.

screen-shot-2016-12-14-at-11-40-02-am

And you, DJ Tanner. Call me.

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