I made a pact with someone the other day that I would magically create a few extra hours in the universe to write a post and publish it by today because I really do love writing here. And although life gets in the way sometimes, actually having someone hold me accountable worked. So here goes, it’s story-catch up time.
When I was little I used to get strep throat pretty frequently, but not enough to have anyone with an MD behind their name offer to rip my tonsils out of me like they had for my sister. Sidenote – the doctor let my sister keep her tonsils.
In a jar.
She brought them to school.
She became the most popular girl in school.
Love you, Jules.
Anywho, about 3 weeks ago I woke up swallowing razor blades with full body chills and a gland the size of a planet coming out of my neck. Strep. The doctor confirmed it, gave me a z-pack and sent me on my way. And 2 days after I had finished the antibiotics I was still in as much pain as I was on day 1 so I went back. The doc was stumped and honestly considered testing me for…wait for it…the fucking mumps. Dr. Google was about to get a whole lotta questions about that one until my doc reconsidered because the odds were so slim. So she gave me a second script for a stronger antibiotic for 10 days. By day 7 I could almost swallow normal but my tonsil still looked cringeworthy. By day 10 I didn’t have to make Summer’s winky face every time I swallowed anymore…
…but my damn tonsil looked like swiss cheese. Fast forward to today – I looked at my throat and MY. TONSIL. IS. GONE. Like gone gone. I think it fought so hard to ward off and kill the strep that it fought till the death and then died itself the next day. Dr. Google tells me it happens. So thanks doctors who wouldn’t take my tonsils out as a kid, they’re apparently doing the job for you.
I’ve started the house hunting process, and for anyone here who was with me back in 2010 you know that house hunting with me can be quite the adventure <cough>crazy lady<cough>. I’ve seen a few places that were ok but with my list of must haves, I haven’t found my dream home yet and my amazing real estate agent won’t let me settle which I love. I did find a gorgeous town home a few weeks back but it went under contract the day before I was going to see it and I’ve been summoning my magic voodoo powers to make their financing fall through ever since. I know dream home 2.0 is definitely out there somewhere, I just don’t think it’s on the market yet because the current owners are super busy getting it picture perfect pretty for me. I can be patient.
Summer lost her first tooth recently and I had a feeling it was coming out the weekend that it did, mainly because she kept doing this thing with her tooth below that she knew freaked me the fuck out and made me do that ‘flail your hands up and down while dancing like you have the pee shivers’ move. I’m weird about teeth – I get the heebie jeebies at the thought of anything cotton rubbing against them – gauze, paper towels, ew. And don’t get me started on teeth rubbing together, or making that awful squeak that happens when chewing certain gum, and I can’t even look at this picture as I insert it here.
Blerg. But now that her dangling mouth nugget is finally in the tooth fairy’s hands, my baby looks like a cute little punkin. She likes to stick things in the gap pretending she has an edible cheetos or french fry tooth which I can stomach WAY better than that picture. 5 years old is punny.
What else… what else… OkCupid is what else. I joined a few years ago and had a HORRIBLE first online date where the guy downed 2 bottles of wine to my half of a glass. He proceeded to tell me he was pleasantly surprised I wasn’t overweight. He told me he wanted to buy me a house with his student loans because can you believe it his law school just gives him $30,000 a year to do whatever he wants with (he is clearly in for a rude awakening when he finds out how student loans actually work). He told me that he wanted to make me pregnant. Then he drunkenly slid off his chair under the table and somehow walked himself to the bathroom. He was gone for 20 minutes while I texted my friend, taking guesses at what he was doing which was by far the most fun part of the night. I could go on about the ridiculousness of that evening but let’s just say he set the bar low, my friends. And I actually stayed on OkCupid because honestly, it could ONLY get better from there. Over the last few years I’ve disabled my account, reenabled, disabled, rinse and repeat, and I’ve met a handful of people on there, but none that worked out obviously. And with OkCupid helping me discover the perfect life motto that I now keep securely in my back pocket – “high standards, low expectations” – I’m back on. Reenabled and getting lots of messages from boys who could be my children and guys who never show their teeth but have a fondness for taking selfies in their cars. It’s uh, entertaining 🙂
More to catch up on, but it’s time to get my lovey from school. May your weekend be full of doing stuff you can tell good stories about later.