can I borrow your towel?

If you’re a mouse or a rat, I’m not scared of you. In fact, you may at one time have been one of our ratty roommates living under our kitchen cabinets in Wrigleyville. Well, that is until you started eating my chex mix and I had you evicted. Hey, if I don’t get to eat for free, neither do you.

If you’re a snake, you leave me alone, I’ll leave you alone and we can both live happily together. Not together together, but you know what I mean. Alone, capiche?

If you’re a bird, I have a friend who is absolutely terrified of you because you circled around her head and then stole an entire sandwich right out of her hands with your 5 foot long razor-sharp beak and dagger-like talons as she remembers from when she was little. I, however, don’t mind you, I grew up with one of you in my family room and I still consider you ok in my book, even after I watched you bite a chunk out of my sister’s face.

Spider? Pshaw, as long as I have a nice big wad of tp between the 2 of us so I don’t feel you between my fingers when I dispose of you properly, we’re all good. Oh, and if you’re a big fatty hanging out in the corner, I may just leave you be if you keep eating the rest of your little buddies. 1 spider, fine. 10 spiders? EFF. THAT. For the record, I’ve seen the movie Kingdom of the Spiders where the whole town is covered in spider webs at the end. That’s what I’m trying to avoid here. Scott may beg to differ and say that I actually am scared of spiders but come on, when he’s home, I’m making him do it. That doesn’t make me scared, that makes me resourceful.

So little things, creepy crawlies, I can handle them for the most part. I think I’m more afraid of g-g-g-ghosts and I’m totally not kidding. But 2 nights ago, I lost it. I even did the dance. You know, the dance….

  1. start running in place
  2. kick your own buttcheeks really quickly over and over
  3. shake your limp hands up and down
  4. make crazy eyes like you’re about to cry
  5. do the Chandler smile…

like this…

or this…

or maybe this…

 yeah, yeah, just like this…

My family – we’re big fans of the Chandler face. Anywho, so ya, you know the dance I’m talkin bout. And what would cause me, someone who is pretty unphased by rats, blah about snakes, friends with birds and whatevs about spiders, freak out like a psycho?

There I was Wednesday night minding my own business.

I took a shower.

I got out of the shower.

I grabbed my towel off the rack on the wall.

I dried myself off.

My front.

My back.

My hair.

My face.

I wrapped my towel around me and folded it over at my chest.

And all of a sudden, I feel something.

On my leg.

It felt big.

Hairy.

It came out of my towel.

It

Was

Running

Down

My

Leg.

I look down and what do I see?

This.

Hairy.

Mo.

Fo.

And you are totally making the Chandler face now, too. And I haven’t taken a shower since.

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15 Comments

Filed under ridiculousness

15 responses to “can I borrow your towel?

  1. Oh my gosh! I am starting to feel squirmy just looking at that!!! GROSS!

  2. Oh girl, I can relate. About 6 months ago I had almost the same thing happen, but it was a giant red headed centiepede—about 8 inches long (it looks similar to your insect). I was horrified. I still shake my towel out and check it every single day now.

  3. Ahhh hahaha omg I totally involuntarily made the face. I HATE those things. They used to be rampant in my college apartment and I pretty much always cried and screamed when I saw them. UGH!

  4. Oh my god. Those used to be all over my old house, and they scare the crap out of me. My heart would start beating really really fast, and I’d get shivers all over my body. Any time I screamed, my husband knew exactly the reason, and he’d come running while I hid in another room doing THE dance. I would hear several whacks before I was told I could come back in the room. Those mofos run extremely fast with all those long little legs. Gross gross gross.
    I have goosebumps just thinking about them.

  5. alongfarview

    Oh my god that’s gross. Pretty sure I’d just burn the house down and call it good. (For what it’s worth my husband and I have a deal – I deal with snakes, he deals with spiders. Since our current place comes complete with giant hairy spiders if we don’t spray the outside, I’m very very VERY happy that we have that deal in place!)

  6. loveandrenovations

    AHH! I totally made the face involuntarily. GROSS! I would have lost my mind. I don’t know if I could ever take another shower again.

  7. Simona

    That is the worst thing I’ve ever heard. I’m not being sarcastic, either.

  8. Oph

    OHMYLANTAGEORGIA! Why did I look? I knew I didn’t want too. AAAAHHHHHHH you POOR POOR DEAR! We have those nasty buggers sometimes at my house and I scream (though I’m afraid of ALL creepy crawlers/snakes/insects etc.). But still, on your towel! Down your leg! The horror. I feel traumatized for you.

  9. What the hell is that?? I don’t think we have those here.

  10. Suzy

    They rent space in our bathtub once in a while. Kids… “MOM!!!!THERE IS AN EYEBROW IN THE BATHROOM AGAIN!!!” Gross!

  11. i can’t comment for the nagging feeling that something is crawling down my leg…

  12. not. okay. I just made my bed but now I’m gonna have to check it before I get in. *shudder*

  13. Morgan

    Ewww! We didn’t have those in California, but when we moved to NC last year, one of those was waiting for me in the shower our first night! So gross, and so freaking fast when they try to run away from the hose on the vacuum!

  14. WTF is that?! OMG!! Totally creeped out…

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